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Classic funny textbooks, humorous text messages

Time: 2018-12-23 12 : 09Source : Quotations Daquan Click: times
1. Yesterday I made a bet with a friend and I said: There is nothing stupid in the world than a pig. As a result, I lost, it turned out to blame you!
2. A man is out of love. A friend comforted him and said, "It doesn't matter, you will soon forget her and find a better girl." "No, I can't forget her soon!" The man shouted, "I bought her a lot of Things are paid in installments. "
3. Mom: Which apple do you want? Child: Big, oldest. Mom: Boy, you should be polite. To be small. Child: Do you have to lie if you understand politeness?
4. The mother was holding the child in front of the bank window. While the child was eating bread, he shoved the bread from the window to the teller, and the teller smiled and shook his head. Mother: Sorry, the child has just been to the zoo.
5. My mother asked Xiao Xin to buy eggs on the street, but all the eggs were bought back. Mom: Why are all eggs small now? Xiao Xin: Chicks are born, and now they are in love.
6. Mom buys back a net bag of fruit, Ding Dong son: You put the fruit out of reach of anyone. The son said, "Mom, then put it in my belly."
7. Money sees me like dung, and I still think of money like dung! Who is scared of dung?
8. When looking at beauties in the street, a higher eye is appreciation, a lower eye is hooligan.
9. I'm in a bad mood today. I have only four words to say. Include this sentence and the previous two sentences. I'm finished.
10. I think I should go to lose weight. When I donated blood last time, one hundred milliliters of lard actually came out.
11. The happiest thing in life is that I can do things that others can't, such as I can text you and scold you, but you don't know who I am!
12. Life is really boring. Last month, one of my buddies borrowed a dollar from me and said that he would go for a plastic surgery. As a result, I have no idea what he looks like now.
13. Someone asked me, are you handsome, I said I'm not handsome, he punched him over and told you to lie.
14. My principle is: if a person does not offend me, I will not offend; if a person offends me, I will be angry!
15. Mom: Why does n’t Xiaoming give the younger girl a candy? The old hen found all the worms to feed the chicks. You should learn! Xiaoming: All right. If I find a worm, I'll eat it for my little sister.
16. Dad told his daughter that he was poor when he was young. After hearing the story, her daughter cried with tears in her eyes and said to her father with sympathy: "Oh, Dad, did you come to our house because you didn't have any food?"
17. Are you working again? I have told you more than once not to work so hard and pay attention to your body. But you always say something meaningful: "Don't roll a few extra dung balls while the weather is warm, what do I eat in winter !!"
18. I saw you that day. You sit in the big sun and feel uncomfortable. I asked you what you were doing. You smiled mysteriously: Keep your voice down. No one said I was an idiot when I got tan!
19. Sand Monk: I changed sixteen; Eight Commandments: I changed thirty-two; Wukong: I changed seventy-two; Tang Monk: Did n’t I see you on the road? Other monsters use their mobile phones to read text messages!
20. It's getting cold recently and it's getting cold. You must take care of yourself and don't freeze. As the saying goes: "Humans have frozen legs, pigs have frozen mouths", I have put on my trousers, and you should quickly buy a mask!
21. God said to fulfill one of my wishes. I said it would be world peace. He said it would be too difficult to change another one. I took out your photo and said that this person would be more beautiful. Look! "
22. Someone saw you today. You are still so charming. You are wearing a plaid vest and walking slowly. You look so detached. It is so cute. I wonder how you raced the rabbit in that year?
23. Abandoned? Bullied? Homeless? Even if the world hates you and ignores you, at least there is us, the Animal Protection Association.
24. Not many people understand Tang Bohu, Qiuxiang is one; not many people understand Jia Baoyu, Daiyu is one; not many people understand you, Chang'e is one.
25. Are you deliberately avoiding me? Or is there no chance between you and me? But I think about you every day. I won't let you go without you. Let me have you, even once, my dear ... Five million lottery tickets!
26. Dad: Oops, little boy! You washed it all morning. What did you wash? Son: Dad, I washed the soap.
27. Early in the morning, you approached my bed gently and kissed my face affectionately. Your deep eyes always looked at me and couldn't refuse you. "Dog, take you for a walk!"
28. I told my mother that I like you and I want you to go to my house and stay with me day and night. do you know? Through the exchanges these days, I found that I can't live without you! Really, but my mother refused, she said fiercely, "No pigs are allowed here!"
29. There is a kind of tacit understanding called tacit understanding, a feeling called wonderful, a happiness called being with you, a kind of thinking called eager to wear, and a fool will read the text message.
30. The biology teacher talked about the ecological environment on the African grassland. No one listened. The teacher said angrily: "You all look at me! You don't look at me, how do you know what the African wild cat looks like!"
31. Martial arts is high, but also afraid of kitchen knives; no matter how good your intelligence is, a brick will fall; go your own way and let others take a taxi! Wear someone else's shoes and let them find it! Greetings from you on Tuesday, let others envy you!
32. The landlord fights well, showing that he has the mind; the fight is fine, that the idea is clear; the fight is fine, that he understands the economy; the fight is big, that he is not afraid of bombing; Strong sense of competition!
33. I hope you can cooperate with me to make a great cause, we will not worry about eating and drinking, and can travel around the country, I think you will earn more than me with your charm, promise me ? Let's go for dinner.
34. The night is already deep. I wake up from my sleep because I think of you. Why do you always leave me quietly when I want to hug you late at night? I really need you! Where have you fallen for my beloved pillow!
35. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, no word of a man is true; love is eternal, blood is red, it is impossible for a man not to fight; if a man is rich, he is bound to anyone ; Man can trust, pigs will climb trees !!
36. Mother and daughter wash dishes together, father and son watch TV in the living room. There was a sudden sound of breaking the plate, and then there was silence. Son: It must be mom! Because she didn't scold.
37. Failing a foreign language proves that I am patriotic; I spend a lot of time arbitrarily, but I have no wife; I have a small belly and pretend to be a Maitreya Buddha;
38. One river springs one river, and one mountain is higher than the other. Send a message to the straw bag, and the straw bag will dig out the mobile phone, pull out the phone and look down, and find that he is a fool.
39. I've known you for so long. You have always cared about me. I really don't know how to repay you. I will be a cow and a horse in my next life. I must pull the grass for you!
40. In fact, every woman is a fairy, but unfortunately, you are the land where your face comes first!
41. Last night, the stars were brilliant, where were you romantic, and tonight the stars were a little bit, where did you stand out?
42. I held the rose and saw the girl, whoever said to love me, I will give it to her!
43. Because of you, I believe in destiny; because of you, I believe in fate; maybe all of this is doomed to heaven, pulling us in the midst of meditation. I want to say: What sin did I do in my life!
44. Thinking of you, it is always so strong at such a time and place. You always give everything in silence, and I always abandon you after the completion-toilet paper.
45. I learned the lesson from the last time, and I gained experience from it. That is, I will never hit you with meat buns again.
46. Love you will never regret it, I will never retreat when I miss you, I ca n’t sleep if I miss you, I ca n’t learn without you, and a little pig is intoxicated in front of a mobile phone!
47. I dreamed of you last night: we strolled along the small river and cuddled each other. You look up and stare into my eyes, and spit out three words affectionately ...
48. If there is no wind, the cloud will not move; if there is no water, the fish will not swim; if there is no sun, the moon will not have light; if there is no you ... stupid people will not exist.
49. I'm going to invite you to dinner. Would you like to come? Tell me quickly, say it ... After reading the text message, the time limit has passed!
50. You have been deficient in calcium, grew up lacking love, wearing sacks, pot lids on your head, wearing shorts, wearing a belt, a naked upper body, and a tie, such a bright image, who dare to love!
51. Shopping malls carry out promotions and advertise "buy refrigerators and send air conditioners". When someone buys a refrigerator, while the mall is giving away air conditioners, the mall staff spoke: "Sir, where is your air conditioner? We will send you back! "
52. Don't scold your child for being a little rabbit, because from a genetic perspective, this is not good for parents.
53. Three obedience and four virtues: my wife must obey when she goes out, obey her orders, and obey when she is wrong; she must wait for makeup, remember her birthday, bear with scolding, and be willing to spend money!
54. Do n’t eat white, do n’t eat, eat idiots. Idiots don't eat for nothing. Do n’t be idiot, do n’t be idiot, just look at idiot!
55. Don't ask me why I cry, my tears flow for you, my heart is broken for you. I hate that man, why did he take you away from me ... dead thief!
56. The train gets up so fast, I don't know how fast it will stand up and run!
57. The stars and the moon hang in the sky, Chang'e rushes to the moon and cares, the cowherd and the weaver girl talk about love, the old lady is a myth, there is a idiot who doesn't speak, squints and looks at the phone!
58. Look like a donkey from a distance, look like a donkey from a distance, because a donkey is a donkey, but you can't ride it. Dead donkey! exasperating!
59. I am happy because you are happy, I am sad because you are thin, I laugh because you are fat, I am rich because I sold you, my poor pig!
60. What is an optimist? ——Like a teapot, buttocks are burning red, and it still whistles!
61. Your smile looks sweet, your angry look is cute, you are the most beautiful in my eyes, and you are the best in my heart. Touched, right? Pig!
62. The clear little river is flowing with feelings, and the great friendship can be seen at a glance. Who will tell a better tomorrow? I send the message to the idiot!
63. Abandoned? Bullied? Homeless? Don't be sad, don't be discouraged, even if the whole world hates you, at least there is us, the pig farm is your warm home.
64. You have been deficient in calcium, grew up lacking love, wearing sacks, pot lids on your head, wearing shorts, wearing a belt, a naked upper body, and a tie, such a brilliant image, who dare to love!
65. You are very creative, it is your courage to live, and ugliness is not your original intention. Without you, who will set off the beauty of the world.
66. Hello, hello, you eat pigweed, have less hair, and love to take a bath with rice soup, and say that the skin care effect is particularly good, you are really a rare living treasure.
67. One cup, two cups, stride, three cups, four cups against the wall, five cups, six cups, I will not walk, drink a pound of sister to hold me away!
68. A colleague is a very cute girl. She said that she came home from work last night and there were few people on the road. As a result, her bag was robbed. The girl was in a cold wind for three seconds and turned her head in the opposite direction! Asking the reason, she said: "I have nothing in my bag, just a sanitary napkin and a pack of paper. I'm afraid the thief will find nothing and come back to me!"
69. You are a book, I am a bag, you are a mouse, I am a cat, you are a wood, I am a glue, you are a pork, and I am a knife. You will pay for the dinner tonight.
70. You look at the green mountains and green waters from a distance, and close your teeth and grin;
71. How to make leaders bow to you? It's actually very simple. Send him a text message!
72. A piglet has a bumpy belly, a thick face and a toot, and there is no access to a mouth. Where is the piglet now? Looking at the phone panting.
73. As soon as I entered the company, my eyes were dizzy, my eyes were weak in the middle of the night, my limbs were weak, my internal organs were falling, my eyes were falling apart, and I was in pain for a long time. I had to work overtime again!
74. I ask you a riddle: there are two drops of water on the pig butt, and a song title-no guess, your face with tears!
75. I called your cell phone that day and a voice prompt said: The owner is running naked, please dial again later. After a while, I will call your mobile phone again, there is a voice prompt saying: The owner has rushed out of the service area!
76. You have a poor economy, an indifferent personality, a colorful personality, a messy life creed, and the above is inseparable!
77. Do you know what I ate yesterday? Boil you, fry you, steam you; bake you, simmer you, braise you; fry you, fry you, mix you!
78. There is a piglet that is amazing. Every night after 10 o'clock, the bottom of the meal is five bowls. No one dare to compare the weight. Where is the piglet? Looking through short messages.
79. If you feel happy, you wave your hand, if you feel happy, you lame, if you feel happy, you shake your head. I wish you happy-lunatic!
80. I heard that there is a meteor shower tonight, which is from the Big Pig. At that time, there will be a big pig flying through the sky. Unfortunately, I ca n’t watch when I sleep, you are fine, so many people are watching you fly!
81. Did you know that I met a mentally retarded person yesterday and I have never seen such a stupid person? As for how stupid? Let me tell you this, he may be lower than your IQ!
82. You are hard-working like a bee, beautiful as a butterfly, loyal as a puppy, well-behaved like a kitten, saucy as an old cow, majestic as a tiger, no wonder everyone calls you ... beast!
83. I really like your big ears, wide face, thick lips and black eyes. Your singing is wonderful, and the lyrics are always in a tune-hum-hum. You are my pet pig!
84. In the morning, when the son saw the girl from the neighbor's house getting married, he asked: Dad, why did the sister cry. Dad: Because she's going to marry someone, and she's going to someone else's house, she will rarely come back in the future. The son thought for a while and said, "Dad, mother always bullies us, otherwise we marry her! Occasionally let her come back to do laundry for us."
85. Everyone who kisses me will be thrown away by me. Maybe you will feel that I am too ruthless. In fact, I am also very attached to the moment when I kissed. The feeling is really fragrant, but what can I do? Well, it ’s like eating snails!
86. I have n’t heard from you for a long time. I have been thinking about you for the past two days, and my heart is very chaotic. I searched the pond you loved, the dining room, and the lawn where I was sleeping. Can I lose such a big pig?
87. The moonlight was bright in front of the bed, and there was no money to panic. Looking up at the beauty, looking down sad.
88. Dude, I haven't seen you for a long time. What's wrong? Did you go to your wife-in-law's house again ... Gao Laozhuang!
89. Let me cover your eyes quietly, gently put a piece of watermelon peel under your feet, and then watch you stepping on with great joy.
90. There are two sentences that I have always wanted to tell you, and finally I have courage today: the first sentence, I love you, I like you so much; the second sentence, do not take the first sentence seriously.
91. Seeing you for the first time, I have been deeply attracted to you. I have an urge to take you home. I long to hug you to sleep every night. When I wake up in the morning, I can see you by my side-pillows. !!
92. You and I walk quietly on the path in your hometown, and you bow your head shyly. When the folks met, I said: Good boy, dressed up clean and beautiful, but unfortunately he came out to put pigs at such a young age!
93. A pig ran desperately forward, and suddenly a wall appeared in front of it. It didn't go around, but bumped into it. Why? Don't understand? Quite simply, it won't make sharp turns!
94. Buddy, are there any difficulties for your brother recently? I have to help if there is difficulty, and help if there is no difficulty.
95. You are an ugly duckling in the pond. You are a silly crow on my old tree. This is a big truth after I got drunk. What are you laughing about secretly?
96. Dear user, Hello, your mobile phone will be shut down tomorrow at zero! If you want to ask why, with your IQ, we have a hard time explaining it to you!
97. Urgent order: You want money but no money, you do n’t have talent, you do n’t want to look good, you have been listed as three people, you must leave the city within one hour of receiving the order, or you will not be severely punished!
98. I only discovered that you have the capacity to sink fish and geese ... When the fish sees you, it sinks into the bottom of the water, and when the wild geese sees you, it frightens them to the ground!
99. Thank you for watching the flowers with me in the spring, watching the sunset with me in the summer, watching the fallen leaves with me in the autumn, and watching the snow with me in the winter. Without you, no matter how beautiful the scenery is, I really appreciate it-glasses!
100. Did you know? We have known each other a long time ago. You followed me tightly, pressed me against your face, sniffed me with your nose, and bite me tenderly with your mouth ... At that time, my name was Lu Dongbin.

Article Title: Classic Funny SMS Encyclopedia, Humorous SMS

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