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Encyclopedia of humorous text messages

Time: 2019-01-19 18 : 01Source : Quotations
1. A man is taciturn and has a daughter named Xiaojiao after marrying a daughter. Xiaojiao was ten years old, and finally hesitated to ask curiosity: Mom, this person eats with us every day. Who is he?
2. A young man said to his friend: Every time my girlfriend brought home, my mother didn't like it. "You just need to find someone like your mother." "But my father didn't like it."
3. A young lady saw a man approaching her with open arms in the underground passage. She immediately flew up and heard only a bang, and the man sighed, "This is the third piece of glass that has been shattered."
4. Xiaogong Wang wanted to transfer work, so he asked the director to drink. After three trips, Xiao Wang took out the application report and pen to the factory manager. The drunk factory director took the pen and signed two words on the application report-good wine.
5. A couple travelling together. When the train they took came out of the long tunnel, the man said, "If I had known that the tunnel was so long, I would give you a kiss!" "God!" The woman exclaimed, "Kiss me just now Isn't it you? "
6. Thoughtful boyfriend: The boy took his girlfriend for a walk and passed the restaurant. The girlfriend exclaimed, "It's so sweet!" The shy boy in the bag said very gentleman: "If you like, we can walk again from the restaurant door."
7. After returning home from work one night, a policeman came on patrol. Suddenly shouted at me: Stop! Police: How many bytes does the int type occupy? Me: a. Police: You can go. I was surprised. Me: Why ask such a question? Police: I'm still walking on the street late at night. Fortunately, I am a thief and a programmer.
8. The male singer stepped onto the stage, only to find that there was only one woman! The male singer said calmly: Today I only sing for you! The woman said excitedly: Then you have to hurry up, I still have to clean up here!
9. A student went to the doctor. The doctor said, "It doesn't matter, just a single injection is fine." The doctor rubbed cotton wool on the student's arm, repeating it three or four times. The students thought they were seriously ill and asked, "Doctor, is the problem serious?" The doctor said seriously, "Classmate, you should take a bath."
10. Going to the library in the morning took up two seats. A pretty girl came over and asked, "Is there anyone here?" I quickly collected the book: "No one!" She said, "Thank you." Then dragged up the stool and left.
11. A medical student asked the librarian: "Are there any books and publications on anatomy?" "Anatomy is also to be up to date. Is there any new change in human bones in recent years?"
12. I'm going to invite you to dinner. Would you like to come? Tell me quickly, say it ... After reading the text message, the time limit has passed!
13. You have been deficient in calcium, grew up lacking love, wearing sacks, pot lids on your head, wearing shorts, wearing a belt, a naked upper body, and a tie, such a brilliant image, who dare to love!
14. The shopping mall is engaged in promotion and advertises "buy refrigerator and send air conditioner". When someone buys a refrigerator and is waiting for the air conditioner from the mall, the mall staff speaks: "Sir, where is your air conditioner? We will send it back to you! "
15. Don't scold your child for being a bunny, because from a genetic point of view, this is not good for parents.
16. Three obedience and four virtues: my wife must obey when she goes out, obey her orders, and obey when she is wrong; she must wait for makeup, remember her birthday, bear with scolding, and be willing to spend money!
17. Do not eat white do not eat, eat idiots. Idiots don't eat for nothing. Do n’t be idiot, do n’t be idiot, just look at idiot!
18. Don't ask me why I cry, my tears flow for you, my heart is broken for you. I hate that man, why did he take you away from me ... dead thief!
19. The train gets up so fast, I don't know how fast it will stand up and run!
20. You and I walk quietly on the path in your hometown, and you bow your head shyly. When the folks met, I said: Good boy, dressed up clean and beautiful, but unfortunately he came out to put pigs at such a young age!
21. A pig ran desperately forward, and suddenly a wall appeared in front of it. It didn't go around, but bumped into it. Why? Don't understand? Quite simply, it won't make sharp turns!
22. Buddy, are there any difficulties for your brother recently? I have to help if there is difficulty, and help if there is no difficulty.
23. You are an ugly duckling in the pond. You are a silly crow on my old tree. This is a big truth after I got drunk. What are you laughing about secretly?
24. Dear user, Hello, your mobile phone will be shut down at zero tomorrow! If you want to ask why, with your IQ, we have a hard time explaining it to you!
25. Urgent order: you want money but no money, you do n’t have talent, you do n’t want to look good, you have been listed as three people, you must leave the city within one hour of receiving the order, otherwise you will be severely punished without pardon!
26. I just discovered that you have the capacity to sink fish and goose ... When the fish sees you, it sinks into the bottom of the water, and when the wild goose sees you, it frightens it to the ground!
27. Thank you for watching the flowers with me in the spring, watching the sunset with me in the summer, watching the fallen leaves with me in the autumn, and watching the snow with me in the winter. Without you, no matter how beautiful the scenery is, I really appreciate it-glasses!
28. Did you know? We have known each other a long time ago. You followed me tightly, pressed me against your face, sniffed me with your nose, and bite me tenderly with your mouth ... At that time, my name was Lu Dongbin.
29. The stars and the moon hang in the sky, Chang'e rushes to the moon to care, the cowherd and the weaver girl talk about love, and the old lady is a myth.
30. Look like a donkey from a distance, look like a donkey from a distance, because a donkey is a donkey, but you cannot ride. Dead donkey! exasperating!
31. I am happy because you are happy, I am sad because you are thin, I laugh because you are fat, I am rich because I sold you, my poor pig!
32. What is an optimist? ——Like a teapot, buttocks are burning red, and it still whistles!
33. Your smile looks very sweet, your angry look is cute, you are the most beautiful in my eyes, and you are the best in my heart. Touched, right? Pig!
34. My husband came home from work and found his wife lying on the bed. The husband asked with concern: wife, are you unwell? The wife nodded. Husband quickly comforted: do n’t worry about cooking, I will carry you back to the kitchen in a moment!
35. A man can't find his girlfriend, so he has no choice but to tell a fortune. Fortune Teller: The first half of your life is destined to have no woman, and that person's eyes light up: what about the second half of your life? The fortune teller said: You will get used to it in the second half of your life.
36. The classmates were brought to the corridor education by sleeping in class. After a few words, the angry teacher wanted to slap him. The student said, "Dare you hit someone ?!" Teacher: "What did you do to hit you, do you know anyone who hit you? Do you know anyone who hit you?" The classmate wondered ... Then the teacher was sent to the hospital!
37. At a dinner today, I heard a conversation between a couple next to me, mm: How do you switch phonetic alphabet on your phone? He said: 摁 Daisy key. mm thought about it, and immediately made an epiphany and fumbled for a while to the bottom of the phone ... I said, brothers, can you not say that the * key is a daisy key?
38. The interview failed today because they felt that my dress was too feminine. ? ? ? !! !! I'm a woman ...
39. I changed my cell phone number, and sent a group of colleagues at night: "Dear, I changed this number, and I will talk to one later, remember to talk to me later." Then shut down and go to bed. Then the next day, all my colleagues who were at work were embarrassed, and one person had signs of bruises ... Then he secretly changed another number.
40. A few days ago, my husband accompanied me to the hospital for treatment, gynecology, and the doctor asked me if I had a target. I said yes, and then gave me a bunch of lists for me to have a test. One of them was a urine test, and I urinate. I won't say it in one hand. The one who found the grass is to see if I'm pregnant. What's more grassy is that my husband and I are women! !! !!
41. I burned my head yesterday, and today the teacher pointed out that Sang scolded Huai: Girl, no matter how snooze you get up in the morning, you have to comb your hair ~
42. Teacher: "I want you to write an essay about milk, and ask to write two pages of paper, small comma. Why is your composition written so few lines?" Small comma: "Teacher, my article is about Condensed milk, so it's short. "
43. The teacher asked a student: Your copy of the test paper was copied? Little comma: yes. It was copied, but not all. Teacher: What are not copied? Little comma: name is not.
44. A blind man rides a bicycle, a mule sits behind and looks at the road. Suddenly, the mule finds a deep ditch in front of him: ditch, ditch, ditch! After hearing the blind man sing, oh oh oh oh oh. The two fell into the ditch together.
45. Wife: Didn't you say I was your world before marriage? Why are you looking for another woman now? Husband: Yeah. That's because my geographic knowledge has become richer ...
46. John went to sign up after watching the advertisement for a lifeguard in the swimming pool. The owner of the swimming pool asked John what his specialty was, and John replied, "The swimming pool is deep. Meter, I am tall. Meter."
47. A director from a scaffolding interviewed by reporters. "Excuse me, what do you think the head of the authority has in common with being a scaffolder?" "I climbed to a certain height and wanted to continue to climb up."
48. Girl A: "Does your fiance know your age?" Girl II: "Yes, he knows a part."
49. There are many bells in a church, and their speeds are different. The priest explained that a bell represents a man, and the more affair the faster the turn. Lady: Which is my husband? Father: I was taken by God as a fan.
50. Mother: "In my opinion, my child is really a child prodigy. He has a lot of very unique ideas. Isn't it so?" Teacher: "Yes, especially when he writes new words silently."
51. A woman asks a man: "Do you know what is the strongest in the world?" The man said: "I don't know!" The woman said, "Your beard." The man asked, "Why?" "Because of your skin It's so thick that it can break through the skin. "
52. There is a mosquito in the city. I have n’t found any appetizing food for a long time. I was so hungry that I stuck in front of a woman ’s chest and bite it. I found that the skin is covered with silicone. It's up!
53. Kissing shots appeared on TV. Dad asked his son to pour a glass of water. Soon, there were kissing scenes on TV again. Dad asked his son to pour a glass of water again. The son asked: Dad, are you thirsty when you see someone kiss you?
54. The day before yesterday qq saw a male married junior high school student ’s signature was “Maybe, I do n’t love you as much as I thought.” Yesterday his signature was "Wife, I was wrong." Today's signature is "I have been homeless recently, so please accept it."
55. One day I went to work with a LOCK & LOCK cup and filled it with a cup of hot cocoa. I just drank a few sips. An older sister from another department came to talk and I took the opportunity to show: Look, this is called LOCK & LOCK. You wo n’t miss how to move it when you put it in the bag ... After pouring a cup of cocoa, you can pour it into the bag. I patronized music and forgot to deduct it.
56. I'm fine in the office today, playing with a magnet and being seen by the leader. The leader reached out and took it. As a result, the magnet was attracted to the leader's gold ring, which was awkward ...
57. I talked with my colleague about house prices at noon yesterday. I also said: Now house prices are so expensive. If I have a plot of land, it is really developed! He said: If you have a plot of land, I immediately recognize you as a godfather! Just finished, the little girl over the front desk called me: XX ~ you have express delivery! Then all afternoon my son did not want to talk to me.
58. Before the exam review class, the teacher went into the classroom and said, "Classmates, the school has stipulated this year, no key points are allowed, do you know?" After speaking, a long sigh was issued. The teacher went on to say: "Okay, now please take out the book, let's draw the non-emphasis."
59. A classmate listened to the teacher's Bible, and talked about the flood that drowned all living things on the earth, and asked the teacher: Are you sure? The teacher said: OK. He asked: what about the fish? The teacher said: You go out!
60. The teacher is giving a lecture and sees two students sleeping with books. One of the students with outstanding grades and one with poor grades. The teacher pulled the poor student up and scolded: you, a guy who doesn't think about progress, sleeps as soon as you read a book, and you read a book when you see someone sleeping
61. The unit organized a physical examination. The nurse said that the leader's heart rate had been abnormal, and he asked the chief physician to repeat the examination. After the review, the director kindly said to the nurse: buckle the chest button in the future can improve work efficiency.
62. The judge advised an old lady to dispel divorce. The judge said: "You are both 92 years old, and your husband is also 94 years old. Why are you divorced after you have been married for 73 years?" Said the old lady. "Our marriage has been broken for many years, just for our children. Before deciding to wait until the children are dead. "Send to a friend Send to yourself
63. Aunt of the neighborhood committee: "Child, what are you standing at the door alone on a cold day, why don't you stay in the house?" Child: "Dad, mom is quarreling." "Child:" That's why they quarrel. "
64. The man asked a friend: I heard that you talked to someone. A friend answered: Yes, two thirds of them succeeded. The man wondered: how to say this? The friend explained: Where, the matchmaker agreed, I agreed, but the woman did not agree!
65. A boy wants to find a girlfriend. The boy asked me, "What kind of girl is better?" I replied: "If you want to chase a girl, it is better to have a boyfriend." The boy asked: "Why?" I replied, "Because you have only one opponent."
66. The teacher asked a question: There are three types of human muscles. Which three are they? Someone was sleeping, the teacher called it on purpose. He stood up anxiously, looked at the teacher, and looked down at his classmates. Classmates said: It seems to ask how many kinds of meat? The student quickly answered: "Fat, lean, pork belly."
67. Auntie said to her husband, "The name given to him by his neighbor, Uncle Han, is Han Jinliang, and the name given to him by his grandson, Gao, is high-tech. We are going to have a grandson, so please give it a loud name!" Uncle He casually said: "Then our grandson is called Weapon!"
68. I took an envelope with a stack of expired Strait Talent reports. After arriving at the terminal station, I found that the envelope was still there. I took out the newspaper and took a look at it. The newspaper was replaced with the latest Straits Talent Newspaper, and a note was taken out: "Now is the age of consultation. Update the information in time to seize the opportunity and win success! "——The Thief Company
69. I received a leave note this morning and wrote: "Teacher, our classmate is ineffective because of the medical treatment in the school hospital ...", my brain "banged" with a loud noise, people who were still alive a few days ago, Why now. . . I burst into tears and cried for a while, then picked up the note again, and suddenly saw: "So today I went to the city to continue treatment, I hope the teacher will be on vacation!" He vomited blood, what language level.
70. The little girl loved crying, and her grandma was impatient with the noise, so she coaxed her and said, "Dear boy, don't cry! When a girl cries, her face will become ugly." She cried, but she looked at her grandma for a long time and then asked, "Grandma, do you often cry?"
71. A child is always crying and follows the pregnant woman. The pregnant woman is finally impatient. She turns around and asks, "What are you doing, boy?" The child was sobbing: my balloon was gone. Did you hide it in your belly?
72. My classmate explained to me how to make a call. I want to ask if the person answering the call is a real person or a voice, and it says, "Is the person answering the call alive or dead?"
73. Four major dishonesty: beef noodle has no beef, wife cake does not contain wife; Haidilao is not at the bottom of the sea, and there is no apple in the apple store.
74. I've been by your side all the time, and I worry about you again and again. Are you full today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I always knew you just wouldn't take care of yourself, and whenever I walked away, you jumped out of the pig pen.
75. University students met in the forest park. When it was time for everyone to prepare a meal, the two boys volunteered to go to the kiosk to buy beer. The squad leader wanted to remind them to buy beer and cans. Maybe because of the international current affairs just now, the squad leader stood up and shouted, "Beer wants Iraqi ~~~" We all fell down and the two boys were crazy. . .
76. I remember going to KFC with a sister once. When I lined up, I heard her saying something, a chicken thigh burger and a pair of chicken wings. . . It was finally her turn, and she laughed at everyone as soon as she opened her mouth. She wanted to say "Miss, a chicken thigh burger", but it turned out to be "calf, a burger".
77.MM told me that KFC ’s new "bone and flesh" (kebab has crispy bones) and asked me to take her to eat. In the past few days, Beijing was extremely hot. I was groggy and arrived at the restaurant. The sentence: Please give me two "blood flesh", thank you! . . . There is no place for self-compliance -_-!
78. The husband and wife, husband: "I hate you, I really want to wallop you, my eyes did not have you." Furious wife: "! Say it again," her husband: "There is no love there would be no hate, playing a pro, You are always in my heart! "
79. The daughter of a farmer is too ugly to marry! The farmer had to let her go to the cornfield to scare the crow as a scarecrow. When she got there, she really scared away the crow! A few days later, the crow returned the corn he had stolen!
80. On the train, a boy was about five or six years old, and was always noisy. Suddenly the little girl in the back seat calmly asked him. what's your name? He said happily that my name was Xxx, and then the girl said calmly: OK. xxx, you shut up.
81. Boyfriend: Of course it hurts you the most ~ No matter what your requirements or wishes, I will try my best to satisfy you. Me: I only have two small wishes now ... my boyfriend interrupted me: Hush, it wo n’t work out ...
82. In a Japanese class, the language teacher asked the small comma to use "Great Wall" to make sentences. The little comma replied: "The Great Wall is very long." The teacher was displeased: "No, make another!" The little comma was even more unhappy, turning his head: "Why, I'm not Qin Shihuang!"
83.miweg: Evening friends gathering, one of them had a good relationship with a boy when they talked to college. When the two walked by the lake during a big day, the boy suddenly stopped and said to her, "Listen, what is the bird saying?-Hey, I love you, hey, I love you ..." The friend was then Just petrified. I laughed. . .
84. Teacher: I want you to write an essay, write people, focus on the highlights. Little comma: Teacher, I think so. I will write my grandma. Teacher: Is there anything outstanding about your grandma? Small comma: My grandma's lumbar disc herniation.
85. After the bell rang, the teacher smiled and said to the class: "Do not panic if you are noisy to leave school, do not drag the classroom, please do not chat with those who eat instant noodles. Students who called the back row to play poker quietly, so as not to affect The students in the front row sleep. The students who watch the scenery by the window, call the students who play basketball in the playground, I can arrange my homework. The students on the way remember to inform the students in the Internet cafe of today's homework. "
86. It is said that when a foreigner was young, he was determined to be a great writer. How can it be great? He said: The things I write must be seen all over the world! After reading them, they will be hysterical! Will be furious! It will be painful! As a result, he succeeded. He was responsible for the error message when writing the blue screen of the system at Microsoft. . . .
87. A friend said that last time at the Hippo Pond in the Beijing Zoo, because the hot hippo only showed its head, at this time, a female voice was heard: "Oh my God! There is such a big frog!"
88. Husband squinting his eyes ~ I didn't feel anything until one time in the car, the mother sitting in front looked back at him, and said to his dad who was nagging, "Be quiet, he is asleep ~ So he admit! ==!
89. I chased a girl while I was in school and confessed several times that she did not respond. Finally one day, the girl texted me to go to the park on the weekend. Come to Huanghe Park by invitation on the weekend. The girl said, I have always wanted to say to you ... I thought there was a drama in this matter, so just say, let me, I listen. She said, "Yellow River also watched, this time I'm dead."
90. The fat woman goes to buy jewelry, chooses to wear on her hand and asks: I want to buy this luminous bracelet. Waiter: This is not a bracelet, but it is also luminous. Fat woman: What is that? Waiter: Luminous hula hoop.
91. Female: "Why are you chewing candy so much when you talk to me?" Male: "Why are there so many sweet words without chewing sugar?"
92. Doing a bus with my girlfriend, there are many people, standing ... Then, my girlfriend hits my arm to play, I will kick her legs, but no matter how hard I try to hit her, she looks like nothing, I look back , Uncle is crying!
93. A man complained to his buddy: "My girlfriend is a train conductor, but I tossed it! I had to shake her all night. As soon as the bed stopped shaking, she immediately got up and locked the toilet!"
94. A little couple quarreled. Woman: As far as your thoughts go, let your mother go too far! !! The man said calmly: According to your thinking, I should stay still.
95. The landlord fights well and shows that he has the mind; the fight is fine and the idea is clear; the fight is fine and the economy is understood; the fight is big and the fear of bombing is not; Strong sense of competition!
96. One river springs one river, and one mountain is higher than the other. Send a message to the straw bag, and the straw bag will dig out the mobile phone, pull out the phone and look down, and find that he is a fool.
97. I have known you for so long. You have always cared about me. I really do n’t know how to repay you. I will be a cow and a horse in my next life.
98. In fact, every woman is a fairy, but unfortunately, you are the land where your face comes first!
99. Last night, the stars were brilliant, where were you romantic, and tonight the stars were a little bit dazzling?
100. I held a rose and saw the girl, whoever said love me, I gave it to her!
101. Not many people understand Tang Bohu, Qiuxiang is one; not many people understand Jia Baoyu, Daiyu is one; not many people understand you, Chang'e is one.
102. Dad: Oops, little boy! You washed it all morning. What did you wash? Son: Dad, I washed the soap.
103. Early in the morning, you approached my bed gently and kissed my face affectionately. Your deep eyes always looked at me, and you couldn't refuse you. "Dog, take you for a walk!"
104. I told my mother that I like you and I want you to go to my house and stay with me day and night. do you know? Through the exchanges these days, I found that I can't live without you! Really, but my mother refused, she said fiercely, "No pigs are allowed here!"
105. A drunk came home in the middle of the night, and his wife complained that he came back late. The drunk explained: "Two salesmen have been pestering me for a long time." Wife: "So what did they sell to you?" Husband: "They asked me Want money or death? "
106. A customer ran into the tailor's shop angrily, pointed to the fashion designed by the owner and said, "I was yawning at the corner of the street, and two people stuffed the letter into my mouth!"
107. The wolf is ill, and the rabbit brought carrots to see him. Wolf: Come, come, what other presents! Rabbit: Come and see you, but they say maybe you won't like this. Wolf: I really like your gift, Mr. Carrot.
108. The praying mantis is showing off its hand to the grasshopper: see how beautiful my knife is! After a while the rooster ate the mantis. The grasshopper said proudly: I asked you to get a knife, didn't you know that you were hitting hard?
109. A boy is lazy and is used to soaking dirty clothes in a basin for one month. Lou Chang said earnestly that clothes would rot when they were soaked for a long time! The student answered seriously: No, I change the water every day!
110. Two drunks ran in their cars. A: "Be careful! There is a sharp turn ahead." B: "What? Aren't you driving?"
111. The farmer inspected the orchard and found a little boy climbing an apple tree. "Little trouble, wait and see, I'm going to tell your dad!" The boy looked up and shouted, "Dad, someone is going to talk to you!"
112. The old man teased the river mussel and was bitten. The old man dragged the river mussel back and forth with pain. The frog saw admiringly: "Oh, my brother is big, and I'm wearing a briefcase when I go out.
113. Please note that the intelligence competition: the players have elephants, you, pigs. Through fierce competition, it is concluded that elephants are smarter than pigs, and you are smarter than elephants. The final ranking is: You are like a pig. round of applause!
114. Toad is pursuing a swan, and the swan said disdainfully: If I were you, I would have died like this! Toad disapproved: How is the pig alive? The pig felt aggrieved when I heard it: I was just watching the text message. Who did I recruit to mess with?
115. Because of you, I believe in destiny; because of you, I believe in fate; maybe all of this is doomed to heaven, pulling us in the midst of meditation. I want to say: What sin did I do in my life!
116. Thinking of you, it is always such a strong time and place. You always give everything in silence, and I always abandon you after the completion-toilet paper.
117. I learned the lesson from the last time, and I gained experience from it, that is, I will never hit you with meat buns again.
118. The seedless watermelon has been successfully developed. It has participated in various celebrations and reports frequently, and the scenery is unlimited. Other watermelons are very envious, one watermelon is indignant: What is beautiful? There is no next generation.
119. A thief steals from a guest room, walks to the door with nothing, and is seen by the host: close the door after going out! The thief proudly replied: You don't have to close this door!
120. A woman is very ugly and has no ethics. She went to a blind date once, and the actor has been here for a long time. The woman saw that he was a fat man, and got angry: dead fat man, ugly man! The actor is also hot: At least I have been thin, have you been beautiful?
121. The long way of life, who has a few steps, should be kept at home, and the lover has to deal with it: there is a cook at home, a good looking unit, a lovely outside, a miss in the distance, keep two, keep one , Development three four five six seven!
122. Have you heard? The second look of the previous life was passed in this life's past, this good friend like us in this life, the previous life did nothing, just fucking back.
123. A group of swallows pecking mud under the eaves to build their nests. After the base was built, the swallows yelled on the roof. The children in the courtyard were curious and asked their father. Father replied: Hey, the contractor went into hiding and didn't pay others.
124. A lady saw a man approaching her with open arms in the underground passage. She immediately flew up and heard only a bang, and the man sighed, "This is the third piece of glass that has been shattered."
125. A young lady without a partner, sitting in a crowded ballroom, saw a handsome guy approaching her, rejoicing. "Do you want to dance?" The young man asked. "Yes," she answered. "Can I take your seat then?"
126. A medical student asks a librarian: "Are there the latest books on anatomy?" "Anatomy is still up to date. Is there any new change in human bones in recent years?"
127. You occupy four positions lying sideways in the theater. Others call you up, and you only have two graces. The security guard came and said, "Hate enough ~ Brother, which way is it? You grit your teeth and say: The one who fell down the aisle!
128. The little turtle saw a snail running a long distance and asked: What are you doing, slow? Snail: I'm practicing long-distance running, the turtle said with contempt: Come up, I'll take you. An earthworm on the turtle's back saw the snail and said, "Sit tight, you're getting old!"
129. A couple took their baby to the restaurant for dinner, the child was crying, the woman hurriedly undressed, the waiter stopped, and the woman was furious: could this not work? The waiter said: Topless is OK, but you can't bring your own drink.
130. I wrote your name in the clouds and was taken away by the wind; I wrote your name on the beach and was taken away by the waves; I wrote your name on the streets and alleys and I was taken away by the police Already.
131. The bee chases the butterfly, but the butterfly marries a snail. The bee is puzzled: Where is he better than me? Butterflies answer: It ’s so good that they have their own house. It ’s like you live in a collective dormitory.
132. Animal guessing. Turtle's ass: prescribed. Turtle headstand: there are rules on it. Turtle somersault: one by one. The big turtle has a small turtle on its back: there are new rules on it.
133. Love you will never regret it, I will never retreat when I miss you, I ca n’t sleep if I miss you, I ca n’t learn without you, a little pig is intoxicated in front of a mobile phone!
134. When the writer heard the chef say that his work was boring, he said to the chef, "You haven't written a novel, so you have no right to criticize my book." The chef countered: "I haven't laid an egg in my life, but I Can taste scrambled eggs. Can hens taste the eggs? "
135. If you are good at hungry, you are called weight loss; if you do well, you are called massaging; if you are dazed, you are called deep; if you are good at lazy, you are enjoying; Good work is called attachment.
136. The mouse was particularly depressed without his girlfriend. Finally, a bat promised to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at him with no vision, Rat: What do you know, she is a stewardess anyway.
137. A foreign tourist visits the orchard and brags while walking: "In our country oranges look like football, and banana trees are like iron towers ..." They stumbled on a pile of watermelons. A fruit farmer cried out, "Beware of our grapes."
138. Xiaogong Wang wants to transfer work, so he asks the director to drink. After three trips, Xiao Wang took out the application report and pen to the factory manager. The drunk factory director took the pen and signed two words on the application report-good wine.
139. A beauty found that the lipstick was too heavy, wiped it with a wet tissue and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it suddenly for a long time, and caught up and said, "Girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall!"
140. There are two types of wife cakes sold in a bakery near my house. The labels are "big wife cake" and "little wife cake". I bought some to go home. My current experience is that my little wife is sweet and my big wife is full.
141. My junior year went to work in a fish market. The guest took the picked fish, and my classmate gently pointed at the killing fish counter and said to him, "If you go, someone will kill you." ...
142. Does the ear itch? Does that mean I miss you? Does that mean I want to see you? Does that mean I want to kiss you? That means ... don't think about it, you're almost lice, please take a shower!
143. During those days, we quietly walked down the path in our hometown, and you bowed your head shyly. When the folks met, we all praised you: hey, beautiful and clean! Also praise me: Good boy, come out at such a young age to put pigs! !! "
144. Dad told his daughter that he was poor when he was young. After hearing the story, her daughter cried with tears in her eyes and said to her father with sympathy: "Oh, Dad, did you come to our house because you didn't have any food?"
145. Are you working again? I have told you more than once not to work so hard and pay attention to your body. But you always say something meaningful: "Don't roll a few extra dung balls while the weather is warm, what do I eat in winter !!"
146. I hope that you can cooperate with me to make a great cause, we will not worry about eating and drinking, and can travel around the country, I think with your charm you will earn more than me, promise me ? Let's go for dinner.
147. The night is already deep. I wake up from my sleep because I think of you. Why do you always leave me quietly when I want to hug you late at night? I really need you! Where have you fallen for my beloved pillow!
148. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, no word of a man is true; love is eternal, blood is red, and it is impossible for a man not to fight; if a man is rich, he has a relationship with everyone ; Man can trust, pigs will climb trees !!
149. Mother and daughter wash dishes together, father and son watch TV in the living room. There was a sudden sound of breaking the plate, and then there was silence. Son: It must be mom! Because she didn't scold.
150. Failure in a foreign language proves that I am patriotic; I mess around all day, but in fact I have no wife; I have a small belly and pretend to be a Maitreya Buddha;
151. I saw you that day and you were sitting in the big sun, uncomfortable. I asked what you were doing, and you smiled mysteriously: Keep your voice down, no one will say that I am an idiot when I get tan!
152. Sand monk: I changed sixteen; Bajie: I changed thirty-two; Wukong: I changed seventy-two; Tang monk: Did n’t I see you on the road? Other monsters use their mobile phones to read text messages!
153. It will change recently and it will start to get cold. You must take care of yourself and don't freeze. As the saying goes: "Humans have frozen legs, pigs have frozen mouths", I have put on my trousers, and you should quickly buy a mask!
154. God said to fulfill one of my wishes, I said to want world peace, he said it would be too difficult to change another one, I took out your photo and said that this person would be more beautiful, he thought for a moment and said, Look! "
155. Someone saw you today. You are still so charming. You are wearing a plaid vest and walking slowly. It looks so detached and very cute. I really do n’t know how you raced the rabbit in that year?
156. Abandoned? Bullied? Homeless? Even if the world hates you and ignores you, at least there is us, the Animal Protection Association.
157. In your eyebrows I see vicissitudes, in your eyes I see self-confidence, in your forehead I see years, in your lips and teeth I see leeks, go and brush your teeth!
158. The kind of long hair that my sister used to have in high school. One time a handsome guy asked me for a hair, and I plucked it out of all kinds of shameful pains, and Nima saw him tied up with my hair after school. Only dragonflies play ...
159. A puppy climbed to your table and climbed towards a roast chicken. You were furious: What would you dare to do with that roast chicken, and I would dare to treat you, but the puppy licked the chicken ass, You faint, the puppy said cheerfully: see who is cruel.
160. A man took the turtle to take the flight. The stewardess refused. The man hid it in his crotch. The man went to the toilet and forgot to pull on his pants. The turtle extended his head. The stewardess stared at him. never seen it? Girl said: I've seen it, but I haven't seen anyone with long eyes!
161. "I've loved to find out the roots since I was a kid. I want to grow up to be a detective, and now I am the editor-in-chief of the newspapers. How about you?" "I loved to play since I was young. Bus conductor. "
162. The wolf is ill, and the rabbit brought carrots to see him. Wolf: Come, come, what other presents! Rabbit: Come and see you, but they say maybe you won't like this. Wolf: I really like your gift, Mr. Carrot.
163. A boy nicknamed a friend in the same class, called a fat pig, and the girl cried to the teacher. The teacher responded to the boy's criticism. The teacher said in the class the next day: "A boy is too rude. No, you ca n’t just call anyone like that, right? "
164. There is a tacit understanding called tacit understanding, there is a feeling called wonderful, a happiness is called with you, a thought is called eager to wear, and a fool will read the text message.
165. The clear little river is flowing with feelings, and the great friendship can be seen at a glance. Who will tell a better tomorrow? I send the message to the idiot!
166. Abandoned? Bullied? Homeless? Don't be sad, don't be discouraged, even if the whole world hates you, at least there is us, the pig farm is your warm home.
167. My mother sent Xiao Xin to the street to buy eggs, but all the eggs were bought back. Mom: Why are all eggs small now? Xiao Xin: Chicks are born, and now they are in love.
168. Mother buys back a net bag of fruit, Ding Dong son: You put the fruit out of reach of anyone. The son said, "Mom, then put it in my belly."
169. Money sees me like dung, and I still think of money like dung! Who is scared of dung?
170. When looking at beauties in the street, a higher eye is appreciation, a lower eye is hooligan.
171. I'm in a bad mood today. I have only four words to say. Include this sentence and the previous two sentences. I'm finished.
172. I think I should lose weight. When I donated blood last time, one hundred milliliters of lard actually came out.
173. The happiest thing in life is that I can do things that others can't, such as I can text you and scold you, but you don't know who I am!
174. Life is really boring. Last month, one of my buddies loaned me a dollar for a plastic surgery, but now I have no idea what he looks like.
175. Someone asked me, are you handsome? I said I'm not handsome. He punched him and told you to lie.
176. My principle is: if a person does not offend me, I will not offend; if a person offends me, I will be angry!
177. Are you deliberately avoiding me? Or is there no chance between you and me? But I think about you every day. I won't let you go without you. Let me have you, even once, my dear ... Five million lottery tickets!
178. The biology teacher talked about the ecological environment on the African grassland. No one listened. The teacher said angrily, "You all look at me! You don't look at me, how do you know what the African wild cat looks like!"
179. Martial arts is high, but also afraid of kitchen knives; no matter how good your intelligence is, a brick will fall; go your own way and let others take a taxi! Wear someone else's shoes and let them find it! Greetings from you on Tuesday, let others envy you!
180. Do you know what I ate yesterday? Boil you, fry you, steam you; bake you, simmer you, braise you; fry you, fry you, mix you!
181. There is a piglet who is amazing. Every night after 10 o'clock, he eats five bowls before reaching the bottom. No one can compare his weight. Where is the piglet? Looking through short messages.
182. Yesterday I made a bet with my friends and I said: There is no stupider than a pig in the world. As a result, I lost, it turned out to blame you!
183. If you feel happy, you wave your hand, if you feel happy, you lame, if you feel happy, you shake your head. I wish you happy-lunatic!
184. I heard that there is a meteor shower tonight, which is from Big Pig. At that time, there will be a big pig flying through the sky. Unfortunately, I ca n’t watch when I sleep, you are fine, so many people are watching you fly!
185. Did you know that I met a mentally retarded person yesterday and I have never seen such a stupid person? As for how stupid? Let me tell you this, he may be lower than your IQ!
186. You are hard-working like a bee, beautiful as a butterfly, loyal as a puppy, well-behaved like a kitten, thick as an old cow, majestic as a tiger, no wonder everyone calls you ... beast!
187. I really like your big ears, wide face, thick lips and black eyes. Your singing is wonderful, and the lyrics are always in a tune-hum-hum. You are my pet pig!
188. In the morning, when the son saw the girl from the neighbor's house getting married, he asked: Dad, why did the sister cry. Dad: Because she's going to marry someone, and she's going to someone else's house, she will rarely come back in the future. The son thought for a while and said, "Dad, mother always bullies us, otherwise we marry her! Occasionally let her come back to do laundry for us."
189. Everyone who kissed me would be thrown away by me. Maybe you would think that I was too ruthless. In fact, I was very attached to the moment when I kissed. The feeling was really fragrant, but what can I do? Well, it ’s like eating snails!
190. I have n’t heard from you for a long time. I have been thinking about you for the past two days, and my heart is very chaotic. I searched the pond you loved, the dining hut, and the lawn where I slept. Can I lose such a big pig?
191. Bright moonlight in front of the bed, panic without money. Looking up at the beauty, looking down sad.
192. Buddy, I haven't seen you for a long time. What's wrong? Did you go to your wife-in-law's house again ... Gao Laozhuang!
193. Let me cover your eyes quietly, gently put a watermelon peel under your feet, and then watch you stepping on with great joy.
194. There are two sentences that I have always wanted to tell you, and finally I have the courage: the first sentence, I love you, I like you so much; the second sentence, do not take the first sentence seriously.
195. Seeing you for the first time, I have been deeply attracted to you. I have an urge to take you home. I long to hug you to sleep every night. When I wake up in the morning, I can see you by my side-pillow !!
196. A man is lost in love. A friend comforted him and said, "It doesn't matter, you will soon forget her and find a better girl." "No, I can't forget her soon!" The man shouted, "I bought her a lot of Things are paid in installments. "
197. Mom: Which apple do you want? Child: Big, oldest. Mom: Boy, you should be polite. To be small. Child: Do you have to lie if you understand politeness?
198. The mother stood with the child in front of the bank window. The child ate the bread and shoved the bread from the window to the teller. The teller smiled and shook his head. Mother: Sorry, the child has just been to the zoo.
199. Mom: Why doesn't Xiaoming give the younger girl a candy? The old hen found all the worms to feed the chicks. You should learn! Xiaoming: All right. If I find a worm, I'll eat it for my little sister.
200. I dreamed of you last night: we strolled along the small river and cuddled each other. You look up and stare into my eyes, and spit out three words affectionately ...

Article Title: Encyclopedia of Humorous Joke Messages, Encyclopedia of Humorous Jokes

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