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100 humorous classic quotes

Time: 2019-07-21 23 : 10Source : Encyclopedia Hits: Times

1. I am a white-collar worker: I received a salary today, paid rent for water and electricity, bought instant noodles, touched my pocket, and sighed. This month's salary is white-collar again ...

2. Real warrior, dare to face his unmakeup face.

3, Ming Sao is easy to hide, secretly difficult to prevent.

4, the sky did not surrender to me, still suffering my mind, tormenting my bones.

5. The world is often the case, and it is too late to turn back. Even if you are willing to become a bad horse, there may not be a turn back waiting for you.

6. Work hard! !! For your Audi my Dior.

7. I like you so much. You will die if you like me.

8. Although you sprayed cologne on my body, I could still smell a scum.

9, I curse you to buy instant noodles in your life without seasoning bag.

10. How can you lose weight without eating?

11. In a few more decades, we will meet and be sent to the crematorium, all of which will be burnt to ashes. You and I will be piled up, and no one knows them, all will be sent to the countryside for fertilizer.

12. The beauty of learning is to make people confused; the beauty of poetry is to incite men and women to derail; the beauty of women is to be stupid without regrets; the beauty of men is to lie and talk day to day.

13. I thought I was very decadent, and today I know that I was scrapped early.

14, a good-faith lie: is to make a good excuse for your own deception.

15. Parents flirting with their children is called education; children flirting with their parents is deception; flickering with each other is called the generation gap.

16. I'm not a prince, why do girls always meet me and think they should be princesses!

17. Women like men who grow bad, not men who grow bad.

18. Our love died on this day, just to give each other a chance to be born again.

19. Fate: You can only play if you have a life. You are dead, what can you do?

20. The journey of exploration is not about discovering a new continent, but about developing a new perspective.

21. The sign of an immature man can be a sacrifice for the ideal, and the sign of a mature man can live for the ideal.

22. Life is like Song Zude's mouth. You never know who the next unlucky person will be.

23. The sun is warm and the years are quiet. If you are not here yet, how dare I grow old?

24. We used to think that we could die for love. In fact, love can't die. It only puts a shot in the most painful place. Then we want to cry without tears.

25. I'm not a fortune teller on the flyover, I can't tell you how many you like.

26. I used to look up at the starry sky with my friends, and then we burst into tears. He was because of a broken love, and I was because of a sprained neck.

27. In fact, you and I are the same. Everyone is pretending. The key is to pretend to be like. The pretense is round. There is a threshold. If you pretend to go, you will become a legendary character. Is there. It was Carmen.

28. People do n’t offend me, I do n’t offend; if they offend me, they are courteous by three points; if they offend me again, I still give a shot; if they offend me, they cut off the roots.

29. I allow you to walk into my world, but you are not allowed to walk around in my world.

30. Holding hands, Fang Zhizi is ugly, tears are streaming down, and I won't leave if I don't leave.

31. Red beans don't grow in the southern country, they grow on my face.

32. I am convinced that there will be a man who comes to this world because of my torture.

33. Journey to the West tells us: all monsters with background are taken away, and anyone without background is killed by a stick.

34. My mother asked me if I have a boyfriend, I said no, my mother said: This can be, I said: This is really not ...

35. The ideal is full, but the reality is very skinny.

36. The little girls want to find a white horse in their dreams, and open their eyes to find that the world is full of gray donkeys. After distressing, they can only choose a strong one from the donkey herd, such a donkey It was named: affordable male.

37. I'm going to cry, I'm going to be upset, staying overnight, holding a bottle of sleeping pills in my hand, and hanging on a small rope. No matter how ugly it is to fall in love and talk about the world full of love.

38. Our goal: to look at money and make money.

39. Sighing is the most wasteful time, and crying is the most wasteful behavior.

40. Men's brains like women's hearts, but eyes like women's appearance.

41, salted fish turned over, or salted fish.

42. I can choose to give up, but I cannot give up.

43. Lei Feng did a good job without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in the diary.

44. I'm not Renminbi. How can everyone make me like me? !!

45, people can not help themselves, in addition to teeth and love.

46. When life humorously turned everything into black humor, I pushed the boat to turn myself into a highly educated hooligan.

47. Time is too thin and the fingers are too wide.

48. As a typical failure, you are too successful.

49. When the boss uses you, you are a talent, and when you are not using it, you become a layoff!

50. The most contradictory place between couples is to imagine each other's future, but to remember each other's past.

51. When you are angry for one minute, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.

52. Being busy is a kind of happiness, so that we have no time to experience pain; running is a kind of joy, letting us truly feel life; tiredness is a kind of enjoyment, leaving us no time to be empty.

53. Life is like "breathing", "exhaling" is for exhaling, "inhaling" is for exhaling.

54. Knowledge is like underwear, invisible but important.

55. Happiness is a comparative level. You need to have something at the bottom to feel it.

56. One sentence "Hold" is better than two sentences "I will give you".

57. The biggest difference between doing and not doing is that the latter has the right to comment on the former.

58. When a man meets a woman, there is only an anniversary and no independence day.

59. Close my eyes and I see my future ...

60. I am a passerby who you forget when you turn around. Why should you accompany you to the end of the world?

61, during the onset of intermittent depression, do not disturb people, do not look for acquaintances.

62. If there is no medical insurance or life insurance, don't see justice after dark ...

63, Qin Qi calligraphy and painting will not, washing and cooking too tired.

64. Saying money is evil, they are fishing. Saying beauty is a curse and wanting it. Saying that the heights are too cold, they are climbing. Saying that tobacco and alcohol hurt the body, they are not quitting. Saying that heaven is the most beautiful, they are not going!

65. Crowding buses is a comprehensive sport that includes a variety of sports and fitness programs such as Sanda, Yoga, Judo, and balance beam.

66. The old lady's eyes opened and I knew you were a demon.

67. Putting your hands in your pockets, no one loves.

68, cut a wire with a kitchen knife, sparks along the way with lightning.

69. Being single is not difficult. The difficult thing is to deal with those who want to make you single.

70. What is happiness? Happiness is that you eat fish, I eat meat, and watch other people's bones.

71. After studying for more than ten years, I think that kindergarten is better!

72. People are not smart, they also learn to bald.

73. Hold your hand and drag it away. Son said no, okay, keep the dog closed!

74. Life is like this, always occupying the position of absolute leadership. When countless fools shouted that they controlled the life, mastered their destiny, but did not see it, they lived in the higher sky and showed a mocking face .

75. He is just a pot of water, poured into your rice pile. After a few years, the water turns into a mellow wine, and you become a pile of waste rotten rice. It is not useless. You can also feed it. pig's.

76. People who do not want to be slaves are willing to be slaves of RMB. Excerpt from: www.yuluju.com Quotations

77. Zhuge Liang didn't bring soldiers before he came out. Why do you want me to have work experience.

78. Use the blues spirit of hip hop to live an erhu-like life.

79. My advantages are: I am handsome; but my disadvantage is: I am not obvious.

80. I was also a seed of infatuation, but it rained ... drowned.

81. Many people say that marriage is the grave of love, but love that can settle in the soil is better than gangster streets.

82. Free time to learn Feng Shui, and occupying a good tomb after death can also make up for the regret that you can't afford a good house during your lifetime.

83. It is said that people have only two choices, busy to die or busy to live, I think I have a third option: busy waiting to die.

84. Spring is sleepy, summer is weak, and autumn is weak.

85. I ca n’t miss myself, I ca n’t take care of myself, I ca n’t take care of myself, and I ca n’t be happy about myself.

86. As a kid, I thought that when I grew up, I could save the whole world. When I grew up, I realized that the whole world could not save me.

87. If you are not destined to give me the response I expect, then stay away from a safe distance.

88. Please don't take my tolerance for you as your shameless capital.

89. Women have no talents and they are virtues. I must be too lacking in virtues.

90. The happiness of an ostrich is just a pile of sand.

91. God, it's too blue! The sea is too salty! Life is too difficult! Work, too annoying! With you, destiny! Miss you, insomnia! See you too far!

92. As soon as I woke up, it was dark.

93. Drink the medicine and hand the bottle, hang it to the rope, and jump off the building and wave the small handkerchief to see it off.

94. The iron pestle can be ground into a needle, but the wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. The materials are wrong, and no effort is needed.

95. The fool stole the beggar's wallet and was seen by the blind man. The dumb shouted and startled the deaf. The camel stepped forward and the mule flew up. The prisoner wanted to drag him to the police station. Forget my face.

96. You have to figure out the script of your life-not a sequel to your parents, not a prequel to your children, and not a part of your friend.

97. The quieter the tree and the wind, the more I love and he is away.

98. I woke up one day and opened my eyes, and found myself sitting on a desk and chair in a primary school classroom. The chalk head thrown by the teacher hit the forehead.

99. Juveniles do not act arrogantly and boldly, asking where the subject matter of old age was.

100. As a monster, my desire is to destroy at least one Ultraman.

Article Title: 100 humorous classic quotes

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