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100 humorous classic quotes

Time: 2019-01-07 21 : 14Source : Quotations Daquan Click: Times

1. Facing the crowd in front of me, I have to walk through and be chic, I know you are watching next to you, it is fake ...


2. Ask what is love in the world, Buddha said: Waste!


3. If the sky is old, the sky is old, and if the sky is old, people die early!


4, the child is dead, you come to milk!


5. The current mentors are not called mentors, nor are they called bosses, they are called scientific research contractors!


6. I wasted time, and time wasted me ...


7. If I become a hooligan one day, please tell others that I have been innocent ...


8, the peacock desperately opened the screen, but exposed ass!


9. I try to gather myself, just like my clenched stone, in order to throw it farther!


10. I think a fly lying on the glass has a bright future, but I can't find a way out ...


11, the bird is big, all the woods!


12. A bachelor is a master, a master is a doctor, a doctor is a postdoc, and a postdoc? If you are brave enough to read two years as a warrior, read another five years as a strong man, read another seven years as a martyr, what about after the martyr? The state will launch the Saint Seiya. After two years of reading, it is bronze, 5 years is silver, and 7 years is gold.


13. I'm your kite. The line is in your hands. Only the wind that can accompany me ...


14. The motherland has not been unified, and there is no mood to review ...


15, review = no link, no review = link, so review + no review = no link + link, mention the common factor, (1 + no) review = (no +1) link, about points So, review = hanging section. I trust, the truth was born ...


16. Near the end of the period, everyone sang with me: "My family lives on the Loess Plateau, and the wind is blowing from the slope. Whether it is Li Yuchun or Zeng Yike, it is all my brother and my brother ... My family lives in the Loess Plateau. The sun passed over the slope, whether it is worshipping Chunchun or Zengge, bless me and pass the exam! "!


17. Summer is not good. When I was poor, I did n’t even drink the northwest wind ...


18. Women in the new century: Go to the hall, get to the kitchen, write the code, find the exception, kill the Trojan, turn over the fence, drive a good car, afford a new house, fight a mistress, and fight rogue……


19. Men in the new century: sleep on the floor, live in the hallway, kneel on the motherboard, make up the clothes, eat the leftovers, afford the prescription, take the child, afford the girl, bear the loneliness, and strive to do Grey wolf ...


20. If there is such a person, you text him and he will call you back immediately. No matter day or night. There is such a person, you ask him, he will listen to you, you do not want to ignore him, and he will not bother you with text messages. He is 10086.


21. Even if there is a lie in Believe, even if Friend is inevitable at the end, even if Lover will eventually be over, even if Forget has to get first, even if Wife is mixed with if ...


22, handsome and car, that is chess; rich and have a house, that is the bank; responsible and righteous, that is Ultraman; handsome and have a car, rich and a house Responsible and righteous is Altman who plays chess in the bank.


23. Penguin GG and Penguin MM go on a date. Before Penguin MM has reached the date, Penguin GG has been looking left, right ... look left, look right ... look left, look right ... Penguin When MM came, I saw the appearance of Penguin GG and was angry! Slap in the past and cursed: "You think you TMD is landing QQ!"


24. I am like a grass and cannot extricate myself ...


25. The rear wheel fell in love with the front wheel, but knew that he could never be with her, so he kissed every inch of land she rolled.


26. Flowers often do not belong to people who appreciate flowers, but belong to cow dung.


27. Come back soon, I can't come by myself!


28. When a dinosaur passed the Xi'an Jiaotong University and went to the toilet, she whimpered after she came out: "555, I won't worry about marrying in this life ..."


29. Raw and easy. Live and easy. Life is not easy.


30. Find the cause from yourself first if something goes wrong, don't blame the earth for not having constipation.


31. We walk too fast and our souls can't keep up ...


32, come out to mix, his wife will sooner or later change!


33. According to statistics, Nobita was beaten 173 times by fat tigers in the full episode of Doraemon, scolded 60 times by the teacher, 327 times by his mother, 23 times by dogs, and fell 14 times into the ditch. How optimistic our Nobita is living, what the difficulties ahead of me are, I will certainly continue to ...


34. I put 10,000 oaths in a machine gun and fired at you. You fell in a pool of blood and were covered with Cupid's bullets!


35. Tongji University teacher: "Don't worry about male classmates in class 08. Your future wife is still in middle school ... Successful people are 12 years older than their spouses on average, so many of your future wives are still in primary school. The first grade jumped up. So it ’s someone else ’s wife ... ”


36, Huai Cai is like pregnancy, it takes a long time for people to see it.


37. When I love you, what you say is what. When I don't love you, you say what you are.


38. The little girl who sells flowers pulled me and said: Big brother, buy flowers. You can see that you are a fancy person at a glance.


39. There is no God in this world. When humans think, God laughs. After thinking too much, God laughed to death.


40. Men's careers are built on women. They work together for marriage before marriage, and work together for more women after marriage.


41. I'm fucking rich, and I also use Qingyang shampoo for baldness!


42, rich people have no talent; talented people have no money. After years of hard work, I found a unity between the two! I have neither money nor talent.


43. My mind is a bit small, but not lacking; I have a good temper, but not not!


44. As long as they are separated, no matter how familiar they are, they will gradually become alienated.


45, go to the pizzeria to buy pizza! The waiter asked if I should cut it into 8 pieces or 12 pieces? I thought about it and said: 8 yuan! Can't finish 12 pieces!


46. Since I became shit, no one has stepped on me.


47. Remind everyone to learn to repair your own notebook, this is very important! There used to be someone who wouldn't fix his own notebook ... everyone knows what happened later.


48. There will be a period immediately after graduation; there will be a wife one year after graduation; later there will be a wife; later there will be a wife; finally there will be a wife.


49. I don't hit you, you don't know I'm both civil and military.


50. Today, you will not kill me xxx (your name), and it will be difficult for you to marry another girl tomorrow!


51. Imperialism will never die, China will become a music colony ...


52. Lie on your back tonight, sit up tomorrow morning, lie on your stomach tomorrow night, stay awake ..., exercise, sometimes it's that simple!


53. I am a sugar, so sweet and sad ...


54. The sunset is shameless, and it is difficult to sleep at night behind closed doors.


55. My love flows on trains without rails ...


56. I struggled to climb to the top of the ladder, but found that the ladder was misplaced on the wall ...


57. Don't look for me if there is nothing, let alone me if there is something.


58. Do you think I will just watch you go to death? I will close my eyes.


59. As a smoker, you must have three conditions: smoke, lighter, and the shameless charm that is revealed when smoking!


60. After a moment of separation, the two hearts hang on each other, thinking that in March and April respectively, the return is five or six years ...


61. It was very dark late at night, and I suddenly wanted to learn, but when I found the candle, the sky was already lit ...


62. A person who is low-key once is a pretentious person, but a low-key life is to be high-spirited and not contaminated with the world ...


63. It is said that a company recruits and throws away a lot of resumes it receives at random, because their recruitment philosophy is "We don't want bad luck."


64. Waiting for China to become powerful, it's all called Foreigners Exam Chinese Level 4 or 6! Classical Chinese is too simple, all answer with a brush, it is cheaper for them, anxious grandpa, one person a knife, a turtle shell, carved Oracle. The topic of the thesis is called the three representatives. Listening is done by Jay Chou ’s songs, and the nunchakus are only listened to once. Zhou Yi is used for reading comprehension.


65, as you poop!


66. In the future, I will have a son whose name is "Good-looking". Then when others see me, they will say "Good-looking father".


67. Work, take a step back to the sea and sky, love, take a step back to the sky.


68. The highest realm of work is to watch others go to work and take their salaries.


69, money is not a problem, the problem is no money!


70. I'm not drunk when I'm drunk, I'll help the wall!


71. I am like a fly lying on a glass with a bright future, but I cannot find a way out.


72. Brother, do you know? The meat of the second brother is now more expensive than that of the master.


73. People who have been hanging on QQ all day have nothing to do except go to work. They are the ones that nobody loves after work ...


74. It is said that when I was born, a cloud appeared in the north of the sky, gradually from far to near, after floating on the roof of my house, turned into a word: handsome!


75, handsome has a fart! In the end it is not eaten by the pawn!


76. From heaven to hell, I pass by the earth!


77. On the way to Niubi, I ran all the way!


78, I would rather keep lonely for three thousand years and immediately scream, not to provoke a frivolous woman into the yarn account and get lonely!


79, Chopin no matter how cattle, can not play Lao Tzu's sadness!


80, summer is here, girls can wear skirts, but not over knees!


81. How can you be reborn if you don't become ashes first?


82, still free self, always sing my song!


83. The current master's degree is like a grain of rice on the soles of the feet.


84. One boat one at a time, one inch of silk and one inch of hook. A song of wine and a bottle of wine, one person fishing alone


85. I do n’t only have a car, but I also do it myself ...


86. It is better to look at the leaves than to see the flowers.


87. If eating more fish can make your brain smarter, then you have to eat at least a pair of whales ...


88. There is no fish when water is clear, and invincible when people are low.


89. Youth is like toilet paper. Looking at it a lot, it is not enough to use it.


90. Friends around me, you quickly become famous, so that my memoirs can sell well.


91. A female classmate is darker, and her boyfriend is too white. One day in the dormitory, a poisonous tongue suddenly appeared to her: "You can't do this, you will give birth to zebras."


92, the old lady always looks at handsome guys and money like dung, and they always look at me like this.


93. Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you.


94. I am not a casual person. Excerpt from: funny quotes www.yuluju.com


95. God said that there must be light, and I said that I opposed it, and that there was darkness in the world.


96. I'm in a bad mood today. I only have four words to say, including this one and the previous two. My words are finished.


97. To be a person, you need to be a person who is hovering between Bull A and Bull C.


98. Trees don't have bark, they must die; people don't have faces, and the world is invincible.


99. The farmer's three punches hurt a bit.


100. In fact, I have always been very popular: I was loved when I was young, but now I am a bitch.


Article title: 100 classic humorous quotes

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