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100 funny classic quotes

Time: 2019-01-07 21 : 14Source : Quotations Daquan Click: Times

1. The brother's previous emotional life was also quite messy.

2. I spent 80,000 yuan to buy a pottery pot from the Western Zhou Dynasty. I went to the "Jianbao" column for evaluation yesterday. The expert said seriously, "Where is this from the Western Zhou Dynasty? This is from last week!"

3, has never been reduced to an excellent college student, relying on strong quality!

4. I want to let the world know that I am low-key!

5. Releasing the irreplaceable burden, retreating the irreversible path; enduring unbearable tears, chasing the unrecoverable future.

6. At the same time, the fireworks blooming in the night sky can see each other's beautiful moments, but I can't light up your life ...

7. When we lose, we know that we once owned.

8. If people are bored, snot bubble can be used to play.

9. Don't know the value of Friday afternoon without experiencing the collapse on Monday morning.

10. What is a bad guy? A man who takes off his pants during the day and a woman who does not remove his makeup at night.

11, the real warrior dare to face the beautiful crush, dare to face the lonely single;

12. Don't take me as a holiday because we have holidays.

13, whipped yourself, whipped others.

14. The road is long and far away, it is better for me to fight.

15. My land, you are the landlord.

16. How long is a minute? It depends on whether you are squatting in the toilet or waiting outside the toilet.

17. What I was most afraid of when I was young was not dreaming that I didn't find the toilet. It was because the person hadn't woke up and the toilet was found.

18. I think there must be many people secretly in love with me, because for so many years, no one has confessed to me!

19. I have always had a doubt in my heart. For 5 years, for 5 years, what are the big wolf what to eat to live ...

20. The longest love history of a person is probably narcissism ...

21. Three elements of success: 1 persist; 2 shameless; 3 persist shameless. Did you do it?

22. Donor, the poor monk is here to make a fate. Is there any elbow? Fried chicken legs are also good.

23. Kettle, why are you crying because your butt is too hot?

24. People are iron and rice is steel.

25. My heart isn't a bus. You can't just sit down when you have a free seat.

26. A person's life is like shit, sometimes you have worked very hard, but it is just a fart.

27. I am in rivers and lakes, but rivers and lakes have no legend about me!

28. It is impossible to extricate yourself, besides teeth and love.

29. The brother in the dormitory decided to impose the following punishment on Zhang Shejian: let him hold a telephone pole covered with old Chinese medicine advertisements, and scream with affectionate cry: my illness is finally saved!

30. I want to fall in love early, but it's late ...

31. Rats never waste night time, but we humans waste a third of each day.

32. Study on purpose, work on purpose, live on purpose, and live like a person on purpose!

33. Put down your college student's shelf and find a bowl of rice to eat first!

34. I only believe in two people in this world, one is me and the other is not you.

35, life is really fucking fun, because life fucks me.

36. Love is mean, and it is mean again and again. When will you stop being mean, women will come!

37. The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I used it to roll my eyes.

38. The Internet is like a prison. It was stolen by a wallet and learned everything when it went out.

39. People who are born are not afraid of death. Those who are afraid of death have not been born, so no one should be pretentious!

40. Remember what should be remembered, and forget what should be forgotten. Change what can be changed, accept what can not be changed.

41. The existence of tears is to prove that sadness is not an illusion.

42, there is a saying, if a man crouches down the road to tie your shoelaces, you will marry such a man! I want to say, is it ok to kill?

43, the first letter of his wife is LP, and the beautiful first letter is PL. I suddenly understood that my wife is often the opposite of beautiful.

44. Squatting down and touching your own shadow, I'm sorry for making you feel wronged.

45. The bright avatar facing you is finally indifferent.

46. Don't tell me that you love me, this sentence is too much to say ...

47. I sent my heart to the wrong address. Would you please return it to me now?

48. Walk around the street and ask about the whereabouts of happiness ...

49. There is only one road, short for short.

50. My figure is actually very good, not fat. Excerpt from: www.yuluju.com classic quotes

51, brother is not broken, can not make you shout at any time!

52, not every milk is called Suterron, not everyone is as pure as me.

53. Why don't you let the ghosts grind if you are so rich?

54. Don't compare people with dogs. Dogs are at least loyal.

55. If you send a short message to the person you like, he will not reply and do not send it again.

56. Beautiful women generally think that men are stupid, and men generally think that beautiful women are pig brains.

57. One thousand years is not a week, but a Zhou Libo, you treat me as a turtle!

58. Bowing for such a long time, I don't want to applaud. In fact, I mainly want me to check my momentum (head way) clearly.

59. Now that we, the Chinese stock market, should be reversed, it has become an accident.

60. Generally ignorant are leaders.

61. I am very careful. I find that in swimming pools, especially female compatriots, the angle of these swimming trunks goes 20 degrees on average in five years.

62. The last time I opened it from my computer, Li Yuchun had a beautiful poster, and the little girl was old! The following is a slogan from the Family Planning Commission: "A boy and a girl."

63. How can there be experts in the stock market? There can be no experts in the stock market! There are only losers and winners in the stock market.

64. There was a text called Mulan Army. I killed that time and I don't believe how Mulan Army could not be found! Impossible! Later I knew Li Yuchun before I knew _ Oh! This is technically feasible!

65. Now speculation is called intermediary.

66. Talent and genius are only one "two" behind. Therefore, talent is very good, and genius is always a little bit second.

67. It's okay to bask in the sun, maybe nobody will say that you are an idiot when it's tanned.

68. Obesity is the pain of breathing. It lives in all corners of my body. It ’s painful to eat KFC, it is painful to eat McDonald ’s, and even painful to drink water. Obesity is painful to breathe. It flows back and forth in the blood. Losing weight can hurt, hate not dieting can hurt, want to lose weight can not lose weight most.

69. It is really troublesome to know strangers, and I must tell the lie again.

70, Baidu can not find you, so had to enter Sogou.

71. I wanted to eat sorrow bite by bite, but unexpectedly I became fat.

72. How can you get married without experiencing scum, no one can be a mother casually.

73. Being hungry and doing well is called losing weight; stubborn and doing well is called massaging; being dazed and doing well is called being deep; being lazy and doing well is called being enjoyed; If you do a good job, you are called attachment; if you do a good job, you are called Dazhi Ruoyu!

74. Some people say that it is hard to love in different places, some people say that homosexuality is hard, some people say that sisters and brothers love hard, some people say that teachers and students love hard, some people say that foreign love is hard, I say no one fucks love the hardest!

75. The fool stole the beggar's wallet and was seen by the blind man. The dumb shouted and startled the deaf. The camel stepped forward and the mule flew up. Mazi said: Look at my face. The lunatic said: That is, man must be rational.

76. If marriage is the grave of love, then the blind date is to watch feng shui for the grave, confession is self-digging the grave, marriage is both love, empathy is moving the grave, and the third is grave robbing.

77. The upper line: student ID admission card without ID card; the lower line: listening questions, reading questions, composition questions, questions not done; horizontal approval: focus on participation.

78, a woman loves you, you are a husband. Several women love you, you are a man. Ten women love you, you are love. Hundred women love you, you are an idol. Thousands of women love you, you are a hero. Thousands of women love you, you are the leader. Women across the country love you, you are Renminbi. Women all over the world love you, oh, you are a sanitary napkin.

79. When you're in a bad mood, go to the toilet. After you're done, face to the toilet and say, "You give me shit, you!" Then storm the toilet.

80, Li Ao commented on men's love articles: ① If not active, the beauty will let other men crawl on him. ② If you don't refuse, there will be an ugly woman crawling on you. ③ No promise, no woman is willing to let you climb on her. Li Ao commented on the men's work: ① Don't take the initiative and get away with others in a good position; ② Don't refuse and arrange everything for you; ③ Don't promise, no leader believes you.

81. What should I do if I catch mosquitoes in summer? 1. Of course you have to raise him 2. Send him to school 3, Buy him a house 4, Help him to marry a daughter-in-law 5, Show him a child, otherwise what else can you do? After all, it bleeds your blood ...

82. Making a rumor, doing a good job is called hype; Sleeping, doing a good job is calling a dream; Ma fart, doing a good job is praise; Father, doing a good job is called Li Gang; Huyou, doing a good job is calm; Inferiority, doing a good job is called Modesty; narcissism, good job is called personality; streaking, good job is called art; hard work, good job is called sacrifice; work, good job is called business; reviews, good job is called original; running dragon, good job is called Friendly performance!

83. Executive diary: get up in the morning: punch; meet in the morning: doze; eat at noon: doze; go to work in the afternoon: do ha; work overtime in the evening: play cards; entertain at night: fight; go home at night: fight

84. Chinese-style parents: 5 years old: Child, I reported it to the Children's Palace. 7 years old: Baby, I've reported you to Mathematical Olympiad. 15 years old: Child, I enrolled you in a key middle school. 18 years old: Child, I applied for the college entrance examination assault class. 23 years old: Child, I will report to a civil servant.
32 years old: Child, I reported you "If You Are The One".

85. Men talk, seven points talk about ideals, three points talk about women; women talk about men seven points, and three points talk about ideals. Thus, men conquer the world and win women; women conquer men and win the world.

86. Don't discharge me because I have a caller ID here.

87. The best way to destroy a good song is to set it as an alarm clock.

88. The difference between an affair and an affair is that the former is together without the latter.

89. As the saying goes, those near pigs eat. It's not your fault that you love to eat, after all, because there are too many pigs around you.

90. The furthest distance in the world is not life and death or falling in love. It is the distance between the quilt and the quilt in winter.

91. Other people hold hands, I hold my dog, walk around, swim around, and see who is unhappy to bite two.

92. In the chemistry class, the chemistry teacher asked, "What if the gas in your house leaks?" Don't panic, light a cigarette and calm down.

93. Differences in class: elementary school class fees, junior high school class fee pens, high school class fee brains, college class fee flow ...

94. Recently, I was poor and crazy. I had no money to buy pie, so I had to bun. If I wanted to eat pie, I would flatten the bun. If I wanted to eat noodles, I would comb the bun with a comb.

95. It is now known that the house slave Li Bai bought a rotten tail floor, as evidenced by the poem: bright moonlight in front of the bed-no window; suspected frost on the ground-the door was not installed; Hometown-Very injured.

96.People like me have ugly bodies, poor grades, bad performances, and lack of courage and perseverance. Those who are afraid of failure cough ~ I really don't know what to do in the future.

97. We must know how to cherish everyone around us, because in the previous life we twisted our necks and looked back, and we exchanged for the encounter in this life.

98. Spring is sleepy, summer is weak, autumn is weak, and winter is just sleeping.

99. The meaning of "where there is no grass in the world, why only love a single flower" has always been-"There are so many men in the world, why have to like a woman!"

100, women are plump, plump, thin and slender, tall is slender, short is elegant. Men are fat, pigs, thin ribs, tall bamboo poles, short melon!

Article title: 100 funny classic quotes

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